Cinta Itu...

Cinta itu buta. Tak dapat disangkal.

Aku adalah salah satu contoh nyata yang membuktikan bahwa cinta itu buta.

Aku pernah jatuh cinta kepada seorang pengamen jalanan.

Aku pernah jatuh cinta kepada laki-laki berusia 17 tahun lebih tua.

Aku pernah jatuh cinta kepada suami orang. Yang ini memang salah, tapi dasar buta, tetap saja aku mencintainya.

Tapi meski cinta buta, aku beruntung masih memilih laki-laki bukan sesama perempuan.

***

Cinta tidak harus memiliki. Ini bukan kata hiasan belaka, ini kenyataan yang menyakitkan.

Aku adalah salah satu yang sengsara saat harus melepaskan orang-orang yang kucintai.

Emosiku meledak di tengah jalan, meneriakkan namanya, menatap punggungnya melangkah pergi. "Mas Bayu...! Jangan tinggalin aku Mas..."

Aku bersimpuh di lantai kamarku, menggenggam HP menunggu telpon darinya, airmata mengalir deras. "Ko... kamu ada dimana? Aku ingin ngomong sama kamu..."

Kutatap foto kami berdua saat ke Puncak bersama, saat masih dapat kugenggam jemarinya dan menyanyi bersama di mobil. "Ji, I miss you so much... when can we meet again?"

Aku terbaring di kasur, menatap langit-langit, bersimbah airmata. "Tuhan... tolonglah aku, hatiku pedih sekali. Jika memang aku harus kehilangan dirinya, tolonglah aku menyembuhkan rasa sakit ini..."

The Temptation

Young attractive girls are usually considered as the third party who break a family, or make the husband abandon his wife and children. Why are there only few people who see this as the man's fault as well? Cause these men are not the victim. They can make a choice. Be faithful or unfaithful.

He was 46 year-old, quite decent, friendly and tall. Part of his hair was grey and when he laughed we could see that his teeth were not complete anymore. But most of all, he was my client's partner, and this is how I knew him.

It was when I called him to offer him my company's product, that he invited me to a dinner to discuss furthermore. He said, he doesn't need my product, but he could introduce me to his colleagues who work in those big companies that might need my product. So, I agreed to meet.

Our first meeting was in a seafood restaurant in Center Jakarta. It was my first time to see him alone, without my boss or my client. Everything went smoothly, he talked about his work, business, networking, etc. I just listened, listened, and listened. He's good at talking.

"So, how will you help me to get new clients?" I asked.

"Well, that's easy. But first, what will you give me as the compensation?"

Ups! I was not ready to talk about the compensation yet. At least I should discuss this with my boss first before saying anything in front of him. However, I was also surprised. He said he want to help to introduce me to his colleagues, and now he ask something from me? He's really a businessman. Nothing is free.

We left the restaurant around 9 pm, coz I had to go back to my office to get some paper done. I was going to get a taxi, but he insisted to give me a lift. I didn't want to disappoint him, so I accepted his offer.

We walked to the parking lot, then he stopped in front of this silver luxurious car. It was so nice that I could not step into the car when he opened the door for me.

"What are you doing there? Come in." He shouted from the car.

I stepped in slowly. Suddenly something was moving near my left ear. I jumped.

"What's that?"

"Relax. It's the seat-belt. It moves automatically. Buckle up please."

Wow. Automatic seat-belt.

"What car is it?"

"It's Mercedez Benz."

I didn't dare to ask more. I would look so stupid (in Bahasa Indonesia: Norak or Kampungan). As he drove the car, I tried to enjoy my presence there. I knew, it was my FIRST and (perhaps) my LAST CHANCE in my life to sit in that particular car. Wow, I'm sitting in a Mercedez Benz, and it has only two doors. (Later on I found out that it was Mercedez Benz CL class, coupe). My friends wouldn't believe it. And this guy... he must be very rich.

Few days later, I called him again to discuss what is the compensation he wish for and what clients could we get from him.

"I can't talk to you now. Can we meet at Hard Rock Cafe around 6 pm? I'll wait for you there." He said on the phone.

Hard Rock Cafe? 6 pm? I only had 30 minutes to get there. Shit! How can I get there in 30 minutes? The traffic jam was so horrible. However, I finally managed to get there in 20 minutes. I took Ojek (motorcycle). Yes, Ojek is the answer for many people living in Jakarta. When you are in a rush, Ojek is the best choice. It's quite fast, flexible and affordable. I think it's time for the government to see Ojek as important as other public transportation, just like Taxi or Bus. Maybe they can build a proper shelter for these Ojek and build a company to organize and maximize the service. Well, just an idea...

Back to the story. I got there just in time. He was waiting downstairs, at the music store. Yeah, his office was located in Tebet. He, of course, could easily reach Sarinah through Rasuna Said in 15 minutes.

Then, he surprised me. He was wearing Batik shirt. Oh my God. Batik? What would other people think when they look at us? An old man in Batik shirt is walking with this young girl in shirt and jeans, in a mall! What a nice couple...

"Why you wear Batik?"

"It's Friday. I had a meeting with important people this afternoon, so I had to wear Batik."

And why he chose to meet me here? Not in his office or my office? I felt so uneasy. I really hoped no one would recognize me. And I wish I could turn around and go home. But it wouldn't be wise. So, I walked beside him, pretended everything is alright, showed my best smile and went to the restaurant upstairs (anyway, now Hard Rock Cafe has moved to EX Plaza).

We ordered some food and started to chat. He didn't talk much about his work and business this time. He talked about his secret ex-lover instead!

"She was the secretary of my friend. Pretty and attractive. I knew her boyfriend too. When they got married, I even came to congratulate them. The husband looked so happy when he saw me. He didn't know that I slept with his wife." He laughed.

I laughed with him. But my heart wondered... What the hell are you doing?

"But you have wife and two daughters. Why you need a girlfriend?"

"That's not a problem. As long as we like each other. I also ever had a chinese girlfriend."

Ok... so what?? Are you flirting with me?

"Your wife never found out?" I asked.

"Of course not. I did it carefully. I always arranged the dates at North Jakarta, so nobody will recognize me. All my family and friends live at South Jakarta." He revealed his tactic.

We didn't stay too long after dinner. He had to go back home early as he had an appointment to play golf in the next morning.

"I will introduce you to my friend later. He's the director of one of the biggest pharmacy company in Indonesia." He promised me.

This time he drove me home with his other Mercy. The colour is green and the design is (for me) ugly. It had special space for dogs inside the car. It's behind part was open, looked like half sedan and half truck. At one intersection, the driver next to our car was looking at us. I tried to ignore him. Damn! Why the window is so transparent?

He missed the turn to my home. I knew he did it purposely. And it was raining.

"The weather is so nice. Do you like to go to Ancol to see the beach now?" He asked.

What?! Ancol is very well-known for couples to have romance nearby the beach or to have sex in the car. I knew that exactly, coz I've been there with my boyfriend to have sex in our car.

"Isn't it too late to go to the beach? It's almost 9 pm." I rejected smoothly.

It was obvoius to me in that very moment, that he wanted to take advantage from me. I needed his help to get the name and contact numbers of those directors, and he wanted me to fuck him as compensation? Hoho... over my dead body man... So not worth it!

We kept in silent for almost 20 minutes. He tried to make another conversation. But as he was talking, his left hand landed on my right knee. I held his hand and put it back to where it belongs, on the gear. He got my point this time. No funny-funny things with me. No fucking. No flirting.

As we all can easily guess, he avoided me on the next day. I tried to call him up, but he didn't answer. Once he picked up the phone and said:

"I'm very busy now. Call me later ok?"

But he never answer my calls again. So predictable.

I don't hate him nor angry to him. I think it was a good experience. A test for my dignity. How much is my price? And I passed very well...

Sometimes I ever wandered, what if I were a materialistic and ambitious girl? I would have slept with him to get those clients. I would become his next secret lover. And maybe I would have a Mercy by now...

But once again, it was a temptation for ME. Not for him.

I never met him again ever since. But I still keep his business card.

A.W. President Director.

Menara

ICQ is fucking good to get a fuck. Though I never deliberatetly using it as a mean to get laid, I ever came across into such situation.

Forget how we got connected in the first place, I started to chat with a guy named Menara.

"What is your name?" I asked.

"Menara"

"I thought it's your nickname?"

"Yes, but it's also my name."

How strange, I told myself. Where in the world a guy have a name "menara"? It means "tower" in English. However, our conversation ran smoothly, and we started to chat by phone. I never saw his picture, but I found out that he was very passionate about music and basketball, and that he was from Bali. I think it was his voice and the way he talk that made me want to talk with him EVERYDAY. We talked about music and our dreams. He said he will someday go back to Bali and open a small shop or whatever as his job. He did not want to get stucked in basketball. I, of course, supported his ideas. Anyway, I believe working as an entrepreneurship is much better than becoming a slave in a big multinational company.

One night, I got very exhausted and fed up with my work, my study and my life (read: lovelife). I lighted on one cigarette and sat on the balcony. I smoke occassionally, specially when I'm really depressed and angry (to somebody or situation). Then suddenly I felt like going out with a friend. But who's still awake at 1 am and willing to fetch me and go out for supper or anything? I dialled Menara's number. He's awake! I straightly asked whether we could meet or not, and he said OK!
In 30 minutes, he sent me messages, saying that his car is already waiting nearby my place. Oh my God, this is our first meeting... and it's almost 2 am in the morning!!! What the hell is going on?

Few minutes later, I was already in his car. I was so stiff. He also didn't talk much. As if we never chat by ICQ or phone at all!

"Where you wanna go?" he asked.

"No idea yet. Maybe go to 24-hour restaurant or... what do you suggest?" I replied, without looking at him. Too scared and uneasy. I'm sure he was not looking at me as well. He hid his face under his hat. I was hoping to see his face clearly, you know, to find out how handsome he is. But he was hiding. I just hope he was not a serial killer.

"I don't feel like eating actually. How about we go somewhere else?"

There! I smelt the hint. He wanted to take me to hotel or motel or whatever they name themselves.

"Up to you..." I replied.

Questions started running in my mind. Are we going to have sex tonight? Are we ready for it? How if I'm not interested with him? How good is he? How big is his?

We arrived at the motel half an hour later (finally!), after being lost for lamost 20 minutes. He doesn't know streets in Jakarta so well. He's from Bali. Do you know how it feels to be lost in the middle of the night, with someone you just met for 30 minutes, and you both are looking for a motel? It was sooo terribleee. So unsure and stressful.

After settled the payment, he went to the bedroom, while I was busy washing my hands and feet. I can't smell bad, can I? Relax, I told myself. Just have a nice chat with him and everything is fine. Anyway, he didn't flirt at all in the car. Maybe he also scared of doing it.

I entered the bedroom and sat about 1.5 metre from him. I looked at his face (he took off the hat now), hmm... quite handsome. I like it. We talked for about 5 minutes, then he approached me. He kissed my lips and started to place his hands under my shirt. I didn't resist. I touch his shoulder and biceps, oh, so firm. He's a basketball player remember? .. hellooo??

Then he began to take off all his clothes and mine. Oh God, it's going to happen. Does he got AIDS? I hope not. Who knows who he had slept with before in Bali?

Then... I saw his "junior". You gotta be kidding me... I was hoping it would be bigger than... THAT! He pushed his into mine and started to move forward and backward (I'm sorry if my vocabulary is not so good in describing the sex thing). I tried to concentrate, but I just didn't feel anything! No thrilling. I didn't want to hurt his feeling, so I just follow him until he finished it. Luckily it didn't take so long for him to cum. Then he got up and walked toward the toilet. Uuh... he's so tall (almost 2 metre, I guess) and his body looks so nice, but why the penis is so small? I wondered.

"You are so tall" I said.

"Yes, I told you before. I'm a basketball player."

"Oh , what team are you now?"

"The Aspac team. We used to play in Pasar Festival Kuningan. Tomorrow we will have a game. You may come to see us playing, if you like."

Damn. I've heard about this team somewhere before. They are quite popular. And he's one of the player? This guy I knew from internet and has just fucked me, he's a national basketball player? It's very hard to believe. We talked for about 1 hour, then decided to go back home.

The next morning, I asked one of my female friend.

"Do you like to see basketball match?" I asked.

"Yes, I do."

"Do you know Aspac team?"

"Sure."

"Do you know any player named Menara?"

"Of course! He's quite well-known and good. He's also very handsome. Why you ask? Anything wrong?" she stared at me.

"No, never mind. Just curious." I smiled.

Of course I went to Pasar Festival Kuningan that evening, to watch him play. We never meet again ever since. Only few calls before he flew back to Bali, to meet his family and his girlfriend.

My Nightmare

At least once a month I would have this, what I called, My Nightmare.

It is the abortion that I went through and the man I loved.
I still can feel the fear, the guilty and how it broke my heart.

I grew up in Christian family and environment and was taught that having pre-marital sex is a sinful thing, and having abortion means you kill someone, God's creature. So, realizing that I got pregnant from my bf, Z, it really freaked me out. Specially that we didn't even have any plan to get married yet, and he was not single. Yeah, that jerk, he made me believe he was going to divorce his wife, and I was too blind (or too much in love?) to see that it was only an empty promise and never gonna happen.

I remember how shock I was when the doctor confirm the pregnancy and she gave me prescription to strengthen the fetus. I told Z about the baby, and we both argued about what to do with it. Then, he said about the abortion, which made me cry for hours and my heart was torn apart. How could he suggest such thing? But I had no better choice. I did it on the next day. I asked 1 day leave from the company. And I stopped going to church ever since, coz I am very much a sinner before HIM, though I thought that it was not really WRONG to do it. You know, sometimes we gotta do what we don't really like/sure for everybody's sake (family, boyfriend/girlfriend, etc). I did it to save my dad's face, to save my bf's face, to fix my mistake, to clean what I mess up.

I wandered, was it really worth it to sacrifice my baby? What would it be if I deliver the baby? Would Z ever marry me by then? Or would he went to other country, just like what he did one month after the operation? Yeah, of course he would leave me anyway coz his company ordered him to go. But I still think that there's a possibility we could make it together and build a family. What a hope. What a fool I am. I did foolish things and I hope for impossible things to happen when I'm in love. And I'm not even a teenager anymore!

Now, sometimes in the dark, I still remember that I've been pregnant from the man I loved, and both were taken from me. They are gone, but the memory remains, and it becomes my nightmare.

Visiting Jakarta? Check this out...

Yo, everyone out there,

Is it your first time visiting Jakarta? A bit blind about the city?
You'd better check these out...

If you are a music lover, I will recommend these:

- CJ's Bar in Hotel Mulia, Senayan, South Jakarta
Very nice live band, quite overpriced (compared to others), very crowded on weekends, many hookers hanging around, long queue to get a taxi after 2 am.

- Hard Rock Cafe, EX Plaza, Thamrin, Center Jakarta
Very inspiring interior and view, the band is Ok, quite overpriced (compared to others), 90% foreigners, easy to get taxi on the street.

- Stadium, Hayam Wuruk, Center Jakarta
Very well known for those who loves house music and sexy girls, very difficult to get taxi with normal rate, better go with friends who has a car for safety.


If you are a food-lover, I will recommend these:

- Ayam Goreng Suharti (Javanese food)
This restaurant opens many branches all over Jakarta. Its fried chicken is very unique, tasty and you'll get addicted to it. They also serve a range of Javanese food. Try one at Wahid Hasyim, Center Jakarta.

- Pondok Laguna (Seafood)
Located at Pecenongan, Center Jakarta, this seafood restaurant is very famous for its fish dishes, such as, Ikan Gurame goreng/bakar. Yummy... Try them, you'll love them. I never see this restaurant empty even on week days...

- JW Marriott Hotel (Buffet)
They serve various food, both local and international. One of the best is their Oxtail Soup (Sop Buntut) and satay. This hotel is located at Kuningan, South Jakarta.

- Ketapang Restaurant (Chinese food)
It's very famous among the Chinese people in Jakarta for its delicious food. Besides pork, they also serve the frog legs and fish soup. Yummy... No wonder many couples got married in this restaurant. You can find them at Ketapang Street, Center Jakarta.

- Hailai Restaurant (Dimsum)
Located in Ancol area, North Jakarta, they serve chinese food, but I recommend their Dimsum. Having Dimsum will never be the same again. Those siomay and hakaw... hmm.... Worth to die for...


If you are a food-lover with limited budget, I will recommend these:

- Bakmi Gajah Mada (noodles)
They mainly serve noodles, and their noodles are fantastic. You can try at one of their branches, such as at Sarinah Thamrin or Gajah Mada Street, Center Jakarta.

- Sederhana Restaurant (Padang food)
Withs many branches all around Jakarta, they serve a very well known Indonesian dishes, called Padang food. Very distinguished, tasty and heavily spicious. You can one of their branches at KS Tubun street or Gajah Mada street, Center Jakarta.


If you are a shopaholic, I will recommend these:

- Sarinah Department Store, 3rd level, Thamrin, Center Jakarta
You'll find many interesting souvenirs there, all made in Indonesia.

- ITC Mangga Dua & Pasar Pagi Mangga Dua, North Jakarta
This two buildings have hundreds of shops, which is selling beautiful clothes, bags, shoes, etc. with a very affordable price (if you dare to bargain). This is heaven for the girls only.

- Surabaya street, Cikini, Center Jakarta
At this one-way narrow street, you will find many shops that sell old and second hand stuff. It's suitable for the collectors.


If you don't know where to stay and have limited budget, I will recommend these:
(reasonable rates)
- Ibis Tamarin hotel, Wahid Hasyim, Center Jakarta
- Mercure hotel, Hayam Wuruk, Center Jakarta
- Santika hotel, KS Tubun, Center Jakarta
- Millenium hotel, Kebon Sirih, Center Jakarta

For contact numbers, you can ask the public information at (62 21) 108.

Welcome to Jakarta and enjoy your visit here... !!!